Introduction
Everyone is an Expert
To Whom Do You Turn?
Old Wives’ Tales About
Food
Old Wives’ Tales
About Fever
Harmful Advice
Other Questionable Advice
Conclusion
Introduction
My first appointment of the day is a visit I enjoy immensely:
the first well baby visit for a new mother and her newborn infant. At this
visit, new mothers and very often new fathers, will have their first interaction
with the pediatrician. They are usually loaded with questions. After all,
babies don’t come with instruction manuals. Despite the many books on the
market that try to serve as such, there is nothing like a dose of reality
to make the entire process seem barely short of overwhelming.
A generation or so ago, most new parents could count on
the advice and counsel of their extended family, including grandparents
to help them out with their questions. They could count on a wealth of
expertise and experience in the joys and trials of child-rearing.
It is unfortunate that in today’s world, the extended
family often lives far away, or is so busy with their own lives that they
are unable to help out. That is a great loss, since much of the advice
your mother gave you is both helpful and accurate...but not all of it.
Everyone
is an Expert
If you’ve ever been pregnant or had children, you’ve undoubtedly
noticed an odd phenomenon. People who normally wouldn’t even consider giving
unsolicited advice about your personal life seem suddenly unable to suppress
their desire to tell you all the secrets of delivering and raising a healthy
and happy child.
While I would never question their motives or their good
intentions, one should certainly have a healthy dose of skepticism about
the quality of their advice. Simply raising a child, while it does confer
experience, does not necessarily make anyone an authority.
Now don’t get me wrong, I am not opposed to parents, grandparents,
and friends sharing their experiences, successes, and failures. I am just
suggesting that you, the “buyer” of this advice, should beware. Some of
it is very good. Some of it will work very well. A lot of it, however,
falls into the category of old wives’ tales.
To
Whom Do You Turn?
One does not have to be an old wife to pass along an old
wives’ tale. In fact, a lot of what people call common sense is not really
very sensible at all. As a parent, you must make decisions that affect
your children’s lives, and yours as well. One of your many jobs as a parent
is to filter through the enormous amount of well-meaning advice you receive
and decide which of it is useful and effective.
Your pediatrician ought to be of some help here. A large
part of pediatric practice is giving advice that helps parents cope with
the thousands of small day-to-day challenges that this new young person
will bring into their lives. Your doctor should be ready, willing, and
able not only to dispense such advice, but to comment on advice given by
others and found in the media (including the Internet). My job as the pediatrician
is to give you a convincing reason why my advice might be better than your
mother’s.
Old
Wives’ Tales About Food
The care and feeding of children is a fertile area for
unsolicited advice. Feeding a child has an emotional impact that is often
way out of proportion to the problems involved. This is easily understood,
since if we can’t even feed our children, what kind of parents are we?
The wonderful truth is that our kids seem to survive and thrive no matter
how we feed them. Now, I am not talking about families in which poverty
prevents children from getting enough to eat. I am talking about middle-class
families in which hunger is not an issue. Here are a few pieces of advice
you ought to ignore:
Forcing your child to eat
If you don't force a child to eat, he'll starve. Not
true. Young children generally eat when they are hungry, rarely overeat,
and refuse food only when they honestly don't want it, or if it upsets
their parents enough to be fun. Never fight with a child over food. You
will lose. Another old wives’ tale is that the early introduction of solids
will make a young infant sleep through the night. Infants generally do
not want or need solids prior to around four months of age. They will sleep
through the night when they are good and ready. Giving them a few spoonfuls
of cereal at bedtime, which contains perhaps 20 calories, will not put
them out for the night.
Giving milk to a child with a cold
Another tale is that you shouldn't give milk to a child
who has a cold because it causes excessive phlegm. Unless your child is
one of the few who are actually allergic to milk, there is no truth to
this one. If your child with a cold wants milk, give it to him. No harm
done.
Old
Wives’ Tales About Fever
Fever and illness is another fertile area for bad advice.
Feed a cold, starve a fever—or is it starve a cold and feed a fever? It
really doesn't matter, since both are wrong. Good nutrition is important
to all children, especially sick ones. Parents should maintain the best
nutrition possible, regardless of colds or fever. If a child has a stomach
bug, some degree of dietary restriction is often suggested, but a quick
return to good nutrition is always the goal.
Here's another falsehood: a high fever is dangerous. While
the disease that causes the fever may indeed be dangerous, the fever itself
is not. A fever in a child that is acting well is rarely a cause for alarm.
The only exception to this is in the case of heat stroke, where the body’s
sweating mechanism is not working. Then body temperature can rise to 107
degrees or higher, which is a danger all by itself. In the absence of heat
stroke, the temperature will not rise to more than 106 degrees. While a
fever that high is very scary, it will not in itself cause harm. A high
fever can be an indication of a serious underlying illness, so high fevers
should always be discussed with your pediatrician.
Parents are constantly asking me if it is OK to give their
feverish child a bath. It is OK. A lukewarm bath may help lower the temperature
and may make the child look and feel better. So bathe away; its not a problem.
Just don't let the child get so cold as to shiver. That will raise her
internal temperature and make her feel worse.
Harmful
Advice
While most old wives’ tales cause only anxiety, a few
can actually cause harm, either physical or in terms of unwarranted anxiety
and guilt.
Grease on a burn
The most common bit of advice is to put something greasy,
such as butter, on a burn. This is dangerous. Grease will hold the heat
inside the skin, deepening the burn and making it more severe. If your
child is burned, the first thing to do is to place something cool, but
not frozen, on it. Something cool placed on a burn will reduce the heat
and minimize the damage.
Poison ivy
Old wives’ tales also wrongly tell us that some very
mildly incorrect practices are dangerous. One of these tales is that poison
ivy is dangerous if it involves the eyes. Poison ivy on the face may cause
swelling of the eyelids, but while this is very uncomfortable, it will
cause no lasting harm. Oh, and by the way, poison ivy is caused by an oil
found on the plant. Once it is washed off, you cannot spread poison ivy
by touching the affected areas.
Crying
Another worry is that parents should not let a child
cry because excessive crying will cause him harm or he'll choke. This is
not true. The only one harmed by prolonged crying, is the parent listening
to it.
Colic
There are few things in life as miserable to live through
as the first three months of life with an infant who has colic. The old
wives will tell you that there is something that you are doing to cause
the colic or that there is a real medical problem. Once a good physical
examination has ruled out organic illness, you should realize that not
only is colic not your fault, but that no one has any idea what causes
it. Colic is extremely common and there is very little anyone can do to
make it better. It will, however, magically go away after the baby is three
months old, if you live that long.
Other
Questionable Advice
There are many pieces of advice that seem to be generally
believed as the truth. Some include:
Head injuries
How about this one: You must not let a child with a head
injury fall asleep. If your child has a head injury that is severe enough
to cause loss of consciousness, it is severe enough to seek immediate medical
attention. If your child has a minor head injury, it is often normal for
the child to be sleepy, but not unconscious, and trying to keep such a
sleepy child awake, will only make him feel worse. One should check a child
with a minor head injury frequently to make sure he is arousable, and always
call your doctor for further instructions after any significant head injury.
Teething
Over the years, I have heard of more complaints and illnesses
attributed to teething than almost any other cause. First of all, teething
pain rarely is severe enough to wake a child out of a sound sleep. If your
child is up at night and has a cold, think ear infection, not teeth. Teething
does not cause fever. It does not cause congestion or mucus, and it does
not cause diarrhea. It can make an awake child irritable and is best dealt
with by either occasional use of an anesthetics rub directly on the gums
or by giving a dose of acetaminophen by mouth.
Holding your baby
Another thing new parents are often told is: "Don't pick
the baby up all the time, you'll spoil her!" This is absolutely wrong.
Young infants need to be picked up a lot in order to have normal psychological
development. As they get older, children can become spoiled, but rarely
because parents paid attention to their legitimate needs.
Regularity
I am also amazed at how important it is for people to
have their children be "regular." Perhaps its the influence of all those
laxative commercials. Being regular is of no importance to young children.
Most children will find their own pattern and timing of bowel movements,
from once a day to once a week, for some infants. Having a bowel movement
once a day is not a requirement to be considered regular.
Feet and legs
I've never understood why so many grandparents feel that
if you let a young infant stand up, she'll get bow legs. She won't. And
believe it or not, buying an infant an expensive pair of shoes will not
prevent flat feet. Aside from the fact that all infants have flat feet,
it is rarely, if ever, a problem at any age, as long as the foot is flexible.
In any case, shoes make absolutely no difference.
Conclusion
Bringing a new baby into your lives is an exhilarating
and exhausting experience. It can provoke a great deal of anxiety. I encourage
new parents to seek out advice from any source of support that you can
find. Just be sure that the advice is sound, so you don’t fall victim to
old wives’ tales.
