Despite their small size, babies can wield tremendous power over their parents. Some new parents will go to extreme lengths to get their baby to sleep, rocking them to sleep in their arms for hours or driving them around town until their eyelids finally flutter shut.
Bedtime doesn't have to make parents and their babies crazy. Below, Jodi Mindell, PhD, a professor of psychology at St. Joseph's University in Philadelphia, offers some tips on
getting your baby to fall asleep on his or her own, and then stay asleep, so everyone in the family can get the rest they need.
How much sleep do newborns need?
Newborns typically sleep anywhere from 10 to 18 hours a day, so there is incredible variability in how much a 2-week-old or a 4-week-old is going to sleep. There is no differentiation between night and day, so they're sleeping anywhere from 30 minutes to three hours around the clock. Starting around eight weeks, they're awake more during the day and sleeping more at night.
How much sleep do infants and toddlers require?
Infants (3- to 12-month-olds) need between 14 and 15 hours of sleep a night. They get between 10 and 12 hours at night, and then they nap during the day. A 3- or 4-month-old is taking three to four naps a day, and a 12-month-old is typically taking two naps a day. Toddlers (1- to 3-year-olds) are sleeping 12 to 14 hours a day and have shifted to one afternoon nap.
At what age will babies start to sleep through the night?
One of the problems answering that question is the definition of sleeping through the night. The original definition in 1957 was a baby who sleeps from midnight to 5 a.m. is sleeping through the night. I know as a parent that, if I was woken at 11:45 p.m. and at 5:15 a.m., I wouldn't feel like they're sleeping through the night. So if you're looking for 12 hours straight, they will be at least 6 months of age until they can sleep for that long without a nighttime feeding.
What's the best setting for sleep?
For all children, adolescents and adults, you want a bedroom that's cool, quiet, dark and comfortable. All babies should sleep on a firm surface. There should be very little bedding in their crib, so that there's no concern about suffocation. And, of course, all babies should be put down on their backs to sleep to decrease the risk of sudden infant death syndrome.
How important is a consistent bedtime and bedtime routine?
A consistent sleep schedule with set nap times and a set bedtime is going to set their internal clock and make it so they fall asleep quickly and stay asleep. A typical baby bedtime is between 7:30 and 8:30 at night.
One of the key things in getting a baby to have good sleep habits is a bedtime routine. You want that bedtime routine to be 20 to 30 minutes long and include about two to three activities, which are exactly the same every single night. A typical bedtime routine may include taking a bath, massaging the baby, reading, singing lullabies. You want activities that are soft and soothing. Now, if your baby hates taking a bath or can't sit still for books, you want to do that at a different part of the day.
What are some signs that your baby is sleepy?
One of the most important things that you want to do as a parent is figure out the sign your baby gives when he or she is sleepy. Does she rub her eyes? Does she pull her ears? Does she twirl her hair? One baby I knew used to stare off into space. The mom thought the baby was bored so she would sort of do antics, but, really, that was a sign for the baby that he wanted to go to sleep. The moment your baby gives you that sign, that's your window of opportunity. You want to go right away and put them down for their nap or for bedtime.
Why do babies wake up during the night?
All babies naturally awaken between three and six times throughout the night. As they change from one sleep stage to another, they're going to have a normal arousal. The question is whether or not a baby can fall back to sleep on their own.
A baby who can fall asleep on their own at bedtime is a baby who's going to fall right back to sleep when they waken during the night. The National Sleep Foundation data from the Sleep in America poll found that 46 percent of children are being put down awake in their cribs rather than asleep. So the majority of children are being put down asleep. But children who are put down awake fall asleep faster and sleep, on average, one hour more at night. A baby who's rocked to sleep, nursed to sleep, driven in the car to sleep, pushed in a stroller to fall asleep at bedtime is going to need that exact same thing to fall back asleep at 1:00, 3:00 and 5:00 every time they naturally awaken.
What should you do if your baby won't go to sleep or stay asleep?
If a parent has a baby who's having a difficult time falling asleep or staying asleep, they may choose to do what we often refer to as sleep training. So you do your bedtime routine, you put your baby down awake in their crib and then leave the room. At that point, you want to check on your child. How often you check is going to depend upon your tolerance as a parent and your baby's temperament. For some babies, it makes them more upset to check on them than not to check on them. Every time you go in to check on your child, you want to go in for just a minute or two, be really calm, let them know everything is OK and leave. It's best not to pick them up, but, if you need to, that's OK, as long as you put them back down.
The first night, they will often fuss (that's our nice way of saying they may be upset) for 30 to 45 minutes. The second night is going to get worse, because it's sort of "last night was a fluke, tonight I really mean it." By third night, you're going to see dramatic improvement and, if you stick with it for a week, what you're going to find is a baby who falls asleep very quickly at bedtime and will start sleeping through the night. The most important thing parents should do when they start sleep training is consistency. If they're consistent, they are going to see a major improvement.
If there are two parents, how can they work together?
When there are two parents in the household, sleep training always takes some negotiation. You both need to come up with a plan that you're going to stick to. If there is one parent who can't tolerate any crying by their child, you may want to send them out to the store or to a friend's house, so you can help the baby get over the hump.
The other thing that's important for parents to realize is that they're doing this for the benefit of their baby. Some parents feel as if they're being selfish. You have to realize that a baby waking three times a night is going to feel as awful the next day as a parent waking three times per night. Also,
having a parent who's well rested is going to have huge benefits for babies.
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